I always think that I have forgiven my Mom and let things go but every time something goes wrong in my life all of a sudden its because I'm messed up cuz of my Mom. So maybe I still need to forgive her in some way. I don't feel anger towards her in fact I love her very much and wish I could spend more time with her. She has always been there for me and for my daughter the last 20 years. Sometimes I feel like its maybe that my son is treated different like I was, I know how it feels to be the bad one the one that no one really ever gets to know. So maybe that's part of it. I don't know I just feel like I should forgive her. Not blame what my step dad did on her its not like she wasn't abused by the man too she was but I was always angry she didn't get us out sooner. People think I'm angry cuz she wasn't in my life much but I'm not. Her walking away and leaving me with Pa and Grams is the best thing she ever did for me. I was safe warm and taken care of I learned that someone didn't have to beat the shit out of you to show they loved you. I found out what home was. So I thank her for that and for the fact it gave me the opportunity to get to know Pa who has always been the one I could count on and talk to. I miss him everyday!
Someday maybe I will get down to the heart of the issue and quit blaming it all on her when I know its just that I'm not wired right in my brain.
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